Not A Bad Week

It's weird to to go from posting practically every minute to just a couple times a week. I look on the blog sometimes and I am amazed that it has been so long between posts.

Overall, I would say that the past few days have been pretty good. Last week was pretty busy as I hustled to get Kaitlyn ready for Kindergarten. She started on Wednesday and she did such a great job. I am so proud of her. Shane and I walked her in on the first day and from then on, she was on her own. I drop her off in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon and it is such a pleasure to see her smiling face run to the car. What a lovely way to start my days and enter my evenings!

So here I am on Monday morning...not sure what to do. I was at this place not too long ago. I finished my masters in December 2008...we had just found Ave was going to be sick, and I was not sure how to spend the coming months. During January and February, I just took it easy. I had been in school for three years, so I had a lot to catch up on. It was nice to have play dates and eat lunch with friends. So now, I am back at this place of not having much to do. So I am debating about whether or not it is time to start seriously looking for some kind of part-time work. I think it would be good for me to have some consistency to my schedule. We'll see how things go.

As I said before, the past week was pretty good. There were a couple tough moments. I find that I miss Ave the most when we are together as a family. It just feels like something is missing. We were sitting together eating spaghetti (Kaitlyn's favorite) and we were getting ready to have dessert. Shane had bought KK this ice cream cone thing that looked like a clown and we just looked at each other and thought, Ave should be here...she should be eating ice cream and laughing. In many ways, it was a beautiful and happy moment, but then again it was subtly laced with sadness and disappointment.

We watched Hannah Montana The Movie on Saturday night as a family. It is a really cute movie and such sweet peace to hang out together on the couch. Prior to Avery's arrival, we did not get a chance to do as many family activities. Shane's job required him to work a lot of nights and it was not common for us to spend as much time together. In fact, since May, we have spent more time together than we have in years...and I love that. So really, it is because of Avery that we are able to bond as a family. The ironic part of all of that is that she is not here to be a part of it. That truly is one of the most painful parts of losing her.

So, we miss her often and think of her regularly. We move through each day with caution and perhaps some hesitation, but we move. I will continue to learn how to live each day without Avery and I will cling tightly to the comfort of my friends and family. I love you all so dearly and am so grateful for you precious people!!!

Carissa