Long Weekend

Well I've reached my last day of time off. I was out of work last Wednesday and Thursday because Kaitlyn was sick, and then out on Friday because of snow and ice. The snow is melting and we are all anxious to get out and back to our routine!

So the last couple of weeks have been pretty good around here. We are very close to moving into our rental house. We all went over yesterday to take a couple things over and everything looks really good. The grass is in and the fence should be up next week! This is a big piece of our healing so honestly we are all very excited to be reunited with our things! We left our house in Fayetteville on Mother's Day last year...it's hard to believe how long it has been! We have been so blessed along the way with housing and care, and I am just so thankful for everything.

Let's see...two dear sweet friends welcomed beautiful baby boys into the world last week! I am so happy for these lovely women and their families! Many of my cyber CDH mommas are expecting and I am really starting to feel excited about the possibility of adding to our own family!

So on to another week! I'm so happy to welcome February!




It seems that over the past couple of months, a lot of personal growth has occurred for both Shane and me. I was talking to my beautiful friend Bethany the other day, and she was asking about how we were doing. You know, as I sat there trying to explain how I was feeling, the only word I could come up with was grace. I find this to be an extremely challenging word to understand but for whatever reason, it is on my mind.

We are approaching the six month anniversary of Avery's death and if I was to take you through the past six months, you would see a whirlwind of peaks and valleys. I would say that October was the hardest month for me...and probably Shane as well. Don't know why but it was what I would describe as my lowest point. So some medication and some soul searching helped push me forward and out of the fog. So between the months of October and December I have seemed to have moved through perhaps the worst of MY grieving process. Now tomorrow, I may completely retract that statement!

Today, I feel good. I mean not just ok/good...I mean GOOD. For me, the new year has brought a mixture of relief and fear. I am relieved to be setting some new goals and scared that this new year leaves Avery behind. I have been reading The Shack by WM. Paul Young. It is a very interesting book and honestly, I have really enjoyed it. The book has challenged my faith and strengthened my understanding of grace. Perhaps that is why I have grace on the mind. I truly believe that Avery is my grace. Her beautiful sacrifice has brought so much joy into my life. Not the kind of joy that we often experience in everyday life, but the kind that comes from the deepest places you could possibly imagine. It is painful joy and I feel blessed to have been gifted with her constant spirit. Not long after Avery died, one of our friends wrote the most beautiful poem. Kaitlyn read it out loud the other day and I just cried and cried. It's a strange place to feel comfort and pain at the same time.

As the days go by and I look at Ave's pictures, I feel more and more peace and relief and less and less sadness and anger. So our family continues to climb back up to the place we were before December 23, 2008. Things will never be the same, but in a good way. We are a stronger family and I am continually grateful for the relentless support we have received.

Thanks to all for your constant giving.