We had a fun family day yesterday, but I noticed that Carissa was in deep thought all day. As I played with Kaitlyn at the Jump Zone, we noticed a few pregnancies around and I could tell it was really sinking in:
- Did she imagine Avery there playing with Kaitlyn?
- Was she angry about the entire situation?
- Was she exhausted from counting the days?
- Was Avery moving around a lot, and she was trying to push it away?
- Was she just overwhelmed with all of the above?
It is a helpless feeling seeing the cycle of pain, then joy. As a father and husband you want to shelter your family and take away the hurt...It is not that easy! Carissa told me last night that she was tired and ready for this all to end and just get here. My response was that it is not like a difficult test that you are dreading. When it gets here, it will be here for a while, good or bad.
She said when it does, she will probably hope that we can go back to this point- when Avery was happy and well in her womb without a care in the world-It broke my heart! I have decided to celebrate each week like our friends the Mooney's did for baby Elliot. This Friday is 33 weeks and Avery's birthday. Just in case we have to face the inevitable. After all, she is our daughter right now, and she can hear us, and feel us, and love us. So why not show her we love her back!:)