Breaking My Heart

This morning, Kaitlyn and I went to the gym and then to Barnes & Noble. I was sitting there watching her play with the trains with some other little kids. She would ask about what their names where and how old they were. One little boy said, "I'll be five in May" and Kaitlyn said, "That's when my baby sister's birthday is going to be" and it just broke my heart.

I am so scared of having to look into her precious face and tell her that the baby sister she has been waiting for is not going to make it. As all you moms know, the pain we fear for our children far outweighs our own. I cried all the way home.

Kaitlyn knows that Avery is going to be sick and in the hospital when she is born, but she does not know nor could she understand the gravity of the situation. How do I handle this? How am I going to get through this?


  1. Carissa-

    I am going thru the same thing with Logan--he is 5--and as much as we try to prepare him, he only understands as much as his 5 year old mind can grasp. He tells me all the time "Mommy, I know God will fix Kaden"...as much as I want to be as certain as he is I am at a loss for what to do to prepare him for the possibility that Kaden may not come home. This whole situation is a difficult one, and when you have other children it is even harder. They expect us, as adults, to be able to make everything right.

    I am continuing to pray for you and Avery. I am here if you need to talk....

  2. Lots of prayers being sent your way!!!

  3. Hi Carissa,

    I'm currently pregnant with twin girls, and one has CDH. We also have a 7 year old daughter, who just recently learned of her little sisters defect. She sometimes asks questions, and tries her hardest to understand. It's also frustrating for parents, b/c you can only use so many big terms that they will understand. It's so hard. I've read your blog, and you are one amazing family. I'm impressed with your strength. I often feel similar frustrations, so please feel free to email me any time. studdard2@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you. We are adding your blog to ours. Feel free to check ours out. You are in our thoughts and prayers. I pray that God continues to give you strength, but also peace through all of this mess. Hang in there sweetie.

    Kamryn Hope's Mom

  4. Keep your head up, pray, and know you will know what you are suppose to do when the time comes! If you need anything within my limits of power please let me know! Mom's prayer groups are hard at work for ya! Give yourself a big hug close your eyes and imagine God's limitless love wrapped around you protecting you from all that is bad. Give yourself this moment of peace knowing he is your strength and has a purpose in your life for every instant great or small!

  5. You will be very surprised at how much your daughter will understand about what is going on. My daughter was just turing four at the time of Andrews death. After the MRI results we told her that her baby brother was very sick and he would probably not be coming home from the hospital. She seemed to just look at us and it really hurt when she would rub my tummy and tell him how much she loved him. Overall, she has complete understanding of what happened and "where" he is. You can read our full story at andrewburdette.blogspot.com and he also has a carepage that the link is on the page. I know I have posted numerous times how surprised I am at how well she dealt with everything with the things she does and still does.

  6. Dear Carissa,

    My name is Fer and I found your blog through CHERUBS. I want to tell you that you are all in my prayers.

    Mom to Juan Pablo (RCDH)

  7. Many prayers for Kaitlyn in the months to come. Prayers for you Carissa that you will know how to tell Kaitlyn when the time comes and prayers for sweet Avery. This is a very difficult situation and my heart goes out to you as you go through this journey with Avery.

    Tracy - mom to Ian and WY and CO State Rep. for CHERUBS

  8. AnonymousJune 12, 2009

    Hey Keirse Family,

    You all are constantly in our thoughts and prayers. Please let us know if there is anything we can send you to help out (even if it is some sweet treats). Send us an email with any requests at audralm1@yahoo.com. We really want to do something for you all.

    Much love and many prayers.

    Jon & Audra Tunnell - Plano, TX