5.08.2010

Anyone Still Out There?

It is really hard for me to believe that it has been three months since I last posted. The initial reason for this blog was to keep so many of our beautiful friends and family updated on the condition of Avery. As we move forward, I guess it does not occur to me to post on a regular basis. But, because so many beautiful relationships blossomed out of the blog, I feel some pull to continue to tell our story.

So, the story continues. We are growing, changing, rebuilding, and always learning. Avery's first birthday is on Wednesday and quite honestly, it is really hard to believe that we have reached this point. Of course, we think of her often, but our thoughts are more comforting and less painful. She made the most unbelievable impact on my life in her 62 short days. I can't help but believe that her purpose was to somehow open my eyes to a new way of looking at the world. As absolutely horrible as the experience was, I am forever grateful to this precious girl for her gifts.

All in all, things are good for us. We sold our house, I am working, Shane starts a new job on Monday, and Kaitlyn is a month away from Kindergarten graduation! I cannot be more honest when I tell you that we literally take each day as it comes. Day by day...my new mantra. So as we move day by day, we appreciate each moment. We breath...in and out...

November will be an exciting month for us as we are expecting another baby! So far so good, but probably the scariest time for our whole family. I have often prayed and begged for healing...to get to that place where I feel better and perhaps as I get closer to that place, I have become even more terrified of what that means about my connection to Avery. I must learn how to relate her name with fondness and peace rather than worry and sadness. I am getting there and it's just different. So compiled with all the fears about the health of this baby are the complicated emotions that surround the concept of another infant joining the infant that is not here.

So we all go forward. It's all we can do. We are thrilled to be sharing another pregnancy together as a family and look forward to being able to continue to share with you. I will probably eventually start a new blog but we'll see. Thanks as always for walking next to me in this journey. Each and every person who has been a part of our story has a special place in my heart. Love you all.

Carissa

28 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 09, 2010

    Happy Mother's Day, and congrats on the "new" baby. Avery is smiling at you because as hard as it is, you are growing. My mom always said to me "God will not give you what you cannot handle, learn and grow with His challenges"
    Love to your family!

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  2. AnonymousMay 09, 2010

    Congratulations!!

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  3. Happy mother's day to you! Can't wait to follow you on your journey with your new little one. I understand the worry with the pregancy, i was the same after i had Kristen with the next two pregancies. We all think of you and your family and little Avery. She certianly has the most wonderful parents!

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  4. So happy about the new baby but Avery's memory will not stop. Happy Mother's Day.

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  5. Congrats on the baby news!!

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  6. Happy Mother's Day and congratulations on the new baby. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers, especially for the health of your baby.
    darcy
    http://ittybittyblog.wordpress.com
    (Owen's Mom)

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  7. AnonymousMay 09, 2010

    You don't know me... but I found your blog through another blog... and I am still here. I have followed your blog for over a year now. I joined your journey right as you were getting ready to deliver Avery. After you had her, I checked daily (multiple times) on updates. Your sweet little girl Avery touched my heart / my life. I am a mother of two healthy, beautiful children. And I hold them close, and do not take for granted the time that I have with them. They truly are a gift from God.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am happy for you, and can't wait until November to see the new little one. Avery is going to be a proud big sister, and a wonderful guardian angel.

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  8. I too have followed your blog since last year and have kept you and your family in my prayers. I had been wondering lately how you are doing and am glad to hear that you are expecting. This new baby can never replace Avery, but what a joy it will be to have new life in your household. I will continue to keep you in my prayers as you continue on this journey. God bless!

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  9. i'm still with you!!!! We have since delivered another baby girl here too and i tell you, it is a JOURNEY! I share this with you to offer you comfort in the days ahead..we DO move forward, and still take giant steps back..but we also recognize the gift of suffering and how that has changed hearts...so many we may never meet in this life..but changed hearts still. and in that suffering and sweet surrender, there is such healing and beauty and brokeness and celebration. I am TRULY celebrating againg with you!! I will offer up my sleepness nights for peace in your heart. A dear friend gave me a card for mothers day that read, "i know this day will be bittersweet for you as you will always be 1 macaroni portrait short..." it's a sweet way to remember the one missing...and i hope you were honored today as mom of all your babies. NOt just the one's WE SEE here with us..but for the mom of Avery too.

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  10. Yea! Congratulations on the new little one! So happy for you! We will keep you in our prayers!! :)

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  11. StephanieMay 10, 2010

    I have followed your blog for almost a year, I found it through another, and I have been praying for your family to find healing, and hoping your recent hiatus was because of happy news and busy-ness Congratulations on the pregnancy, I am sure that Avery is as excited about it as you three are.

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  12. Congratulations on the new baby...praying for a healthy baby and pregnancy for you. Remembering your sweet precious Avery today...sending her beautiful heavenly birthday wishes. I am sure she is watching over her little brother or sister.

    (((HUGS))),
    Tracy, Ian's mom

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  13. AnonymousMay 12, 2010

    I am so happy you're having another baby! You are a strong woman and will be an even more wonderful mother with every life you welcome into this world, whether God needed them a little earlier or not :)

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  14. AnonymousMay 12, 2010

    Happy Birthday, sweet Avery Mae!

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  15. Happy Birthday, Avery! Been thinking of you a lot lately sweet girl.

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  16. Many wishes for your family and your future arrival.

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  17. Mommy_of_YaDaMay 12, 2010

    Avery, Happy B-day lil soldier! One year, and even though you are in paradise and I never met you, I thank you and your parents for letting me follow your story. I think of you often and miss you sweet thing.

    And now there are 5! Congrats on the new baby.

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  18. AnonymousMay 12, 2010

    Carissa, It is so nice to see a post from you. You have been MIA for a long time. Glad to hear you are all hanging in there. So happy to hear your wonderful news, about a new baby joining your family. You will remain in my prayers, for a great pregnancy, and a healthy baby. God gave you time to get stronger, and deal with all that you had on your plate. Now, he is blessing you, Shane, and Kaitlyn with a new little life to bring you hope and joy.
    Happy 1st Birthday in heaven sweet Avery. May all the angels sing in your honor! You brought so much happiness to your family during your time on earth, and you will always be carried in their hearts. You are a very special Angel Baby!
    A Mom-Mom from NJ

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  19. AnonymousMay 18, 2010

    I too have followed your blog since shortly after your birth of Avery, and have been eagerly anticipating this timeframe where it's not days or weeks after her passing, but months and year(s)..and only God and more time will continue to heal the wounds that are there..but excited for you to become a mom again with a new little one coming at such a great "Thankful" time of year! (my last was Nov. baby -- and I loved that time of year).
    ~Jennifer

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  20. AnonymousMay 19, 2010

    Congratulations! Your PHBC friends are happy for all of you.

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  21. Betsy KosterMay 23, 2010

    Carissa--

    Congratulations! It had been forever since I read your blog and I was thinking of you guys. Praise the Lord for another little one on the way! Love, Betsy and Co.

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  22. AnonymousMay 30, 2010

    I'm so glad you posted again...I think of your family often. I can't exactly remember how I happened upon you blog...but, it was before Avery was born and I prayed for her all of her 62 days...and I still pray for her. She was such a blessing to so many of us.

    I will pray for your family as you are undertaking this wonderful new journey!

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  23. Congrats on the new baby. You could always keep this blog and just redo the design. That way we all don't have to change our settings. :)

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  24. Carissa, I am here. I have read your blog for along time. I will always remember sweet Avery (I still have her button on my blog). I am so happy for you that things are going well. Getting moved, New jobs and now expecting another blessing. Congratulations. I pray you have a healthy baby and a great pregnancy. I hope to get to know you better... I am also expecting again. Have a great week. Many Blessings,

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  25. Hey neighbor. I was so glad to hear your good news today. We're happy for you and can't wait to hear more about Ms. Morgan.

    -jupton

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  26. Just stopping by your blog to see if there were any updates. I hope everything is going well with your family! Look forward to you catching us up when you have a free moment!

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  27. AnonymousJuly 29, 2010

    Congratulations! I believe that Avery helped to pick out the perfect little soul for your family.

    Friend from Pittsburgh

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  28. Congratulations on little baby Morgan! I'm praying for you guys. I'm sure Avery told him all about you and how wonderful his mommy, daddy and sister are, and he's excited to meet you. I don't know you, but I can't tell you how happy I am for you.

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