Moving Forward

Well, it has been awhile since I have had time to sit and organize my thoughts. So I sit here contemplating...thinking...organizing...trying to put into words all that has happened. Over the past few weeks, we have been rather busy. I think this is a good thing. A couple of weeks ago, I was at a nasty low point. It was not pretty, but I reached out to all of you, and with Shane's help was able to stumble out with renewed hope. So here we are...still stumbling a bit, but hey, whatever gets you from point A to point B!?!?

So I would say that the most exciting part of the past few weeks is that I GOT A PART-TIME JOB!!! Woooo Hoooo!! I have this lovely friend and her family owns a Christmas Tree Farm here in Little Rock. Well turns out they need some extra help during the holiday season and so, you guessed it, I am part of the extra help! They have recently added a pumpkin patch and some other fun fall activities so it was a perfect opportunity for me. Basically during the week I will be helping give tours of the farm. Kids come for field trips and I get to guide them through all the fun fall activities. Then starting around Thanksgiving, the Christmas tree fun begins! It sounds so simple and fun and that is what I just adore about it. It is a great way for me to get out of the house and move towards re-incorporating "normal" things into my new life.

Alright so that's the job stuff. Now, let's see...Shane and I have had some busy weekends. Last weekend Shane traveled to Alexandria, LA to visit his old high school as well as some of his buddies. It was good for him to get away and remember his old stompin' ground. The weekend before that, I was in Colorado visiting my family. Shane stayed home with Kaitlyn and I was able to have a really nice time away for a few days. It has been good for both of us to have some time to ourselves to do some of the things we have not been able to do over the past few months. In the coming weekends we are looking forward to some family time and perhaps some Halloween activities!!!

Ok, I also wanted to share with you that we have started attending a grief group called Good Mourning. This program is provided through Arkansas Children's Hospital and is primarily for children who have experienced the death of a loved one. So Kaitlyn is going and hanging out with other kids her age and Shane and I meet with other parents/caregivers. For us, this is just another piece of healing. It is an opportunity for our whole family to discuss how Avery's life and death has affected us. I honestly don't really know what to expect from this group, but I am open. Perhaps that is the hardest part of grief...the willingness to accept the unknown. Grief is a mystery. That is really annoying for me but I'm pretty sure there is nothing I can do to change it.

So overall, I feel like we are doing pretty good. Right now, there are more good days than bad. That may change, but for now, I'll take it. So as always, thank you for your continued support. It means so much to me that you continue to care.



  1. So glad to know you're all moving forward in a positive way. That grief group sounds like a very good thing for Kaitlyn. And for you and Shane as well.

    Happy thoughts,

  2. girl..means so much to have you pop in on my blog, offering your prayers to us. I know our grief unites us, even if just notes to each other here and there..but i found such strength in knowing others read my words, thoughts, prayers, vents, struggles, joys and sorrows. I am thankful for your new job and pray it can renew you daily and remind you of your gifts from God and to others...and i pray for your sense of purpose. That is something i struggled with for a while...my body just had a baby, so my body felt out of wack, knowing i was "supposed" to be taking care of a life. (btw, have you found you stay up later, kind of feeling like there is something you still need to do? i felt that for a while too..and it's crept back up these last few weeks...just wondering.)

    anyhoos...still here with you. I encourage you..keep reaching out. Some people don't reach back..others will reach out further to you so you don't have to reach so far. I'm grateful for those few.

    A friend recently said to me "i don't just want to be there FOR you..i want to be there WITH you." means the world that someone isn't afraid of our suffering.

  3. You sound like you are doing a lot better, if you're a country music listener, my favorite one when I'm in a tough time is "If you're going through hell" by Rodney Atkins, I just blast it and sing all my worries away! God bless!

  4. I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
    and wiped our tears away,
    stepped in and saved the day.
    But once again, I say amen
    and it's still raining
    as the thunder rolls
    I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
    "I'm with you"
    and as Your mercy falls
    I raise my hands and praise
    the God who gives and takes away.

    And I'll praise you in this storm
    and I will lift my hands
    for You are who You are
    no matter where I am
    and every tear I've cried
    You hold in your hand
    You never left my side
    and though my heart is torn
    I will praise You in this storm

    I remember when I stumbled in the wind
    You heard my cry to You
    and raised me up again
    my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
    if I can't find You
    and as the thunder rolls
    I barely hear You whisper through the rain
    "I'm with you"
    and as Your mercy falls
    I raise my hands and praise
    the God who gives and takes away

    I lift my eyes onto the hills
    where does my help come from?
    My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
    I lift my eyes onto the hills
    where does my help come from?
    My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

  5. I am so glad that you have joined a grief group. I wish that I would have had the opportunity in the beginning. I pray that you will be find peace as you grieve together.

  6. I am so glad to hear that you are having some better days. I am sure working and attending the grief group will be good for all of you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!!!

  7. I'm so glad to read that things seem to be looking up for you guys. I hope things continue to go well. Even if you have a setback, it will get better. That's how the healing process works, I suppose! I think about you a lot, Carissa and hope for you and your family some peace.

  8. A prayer answered. . .some relief for your family. Hang in there. . .I've heard that those groups are SOOO good for not only the kids, but the parents too.
    Still prayer for you. . .
    Friend in Pittsburgh

  9. I often checking in to see how things are w/ you and family. Glad to hear that you're doing better and found a part-time job too. I hope the group therapy will help you, Shane, and Kaitlyn and do hope that you continue to find peace.


  10. I'm really glad that you are feeling better! I continue to pray that things will continue to get better for you. I think the counseling is a great idea, Good for you!! I hope yall have a wonderful and funfilled halloween with Kaitlyn!!!Love ,The Givens

  11. Just wanted you to know that I still think about you everyday. I really hope that the sunshines really bright on you and your family because you guys are do for some bright bright sunshine! I love you bunches.
    Shawna Meyers

  12. I think of ALL of youtoday I pray for your peace and comfort. I picture Avery playing with Jesus and all the Angels. She is singing, laughing, dancing, and enjoying her beautiful angel wings and halo.
    I will never forget Avery and her fight.
    I am thankful that I found your blog.
    God Bless all the CDH babies/families.