Getting Closer

We are now less than two weeks away from Avery's delivery and starting to get fairly anxious about what is coming. We have known since December that these moments were coming, but they are still incredibly challenging. For some reason, it seems the anticipation of her arrival is just sickening in a way. That sounds horrible to say, but the truth is, we are both so scared of what is to come. I have to be honest and say that I'm not sure the word "excitement" comes to mind when describing how both Shane and I are feeling right now. It makes me angry that I am not excited, because I should be. This should be one of the most exciting exhilarating times of our lives. I feel like the "excitment" of a new baby has been stolen from me...and I want it back...that's where the anger comes.

I imagine that the next 10 days are going to be really hard. We try to stay busy and stay positive, but it's a stretch. We both just want this all to be over with. Of course, that is about the farthest thing from reality right now.

As of today, I am 38 weeks and still feeling physically pretty good. Let's just say, I am loving Tylenol right now. OB appointment today was good. No major changes...fluid is good, Avery is growing, not dialated...blah blah blah. We will have one more visit here in Fayetteville on May 7th and then we will prepare to head down to Little Rock on May 10th. My parents arrive on May 9th and will be accompanying us to LR. Avery's delivery is still scheduled for May 12th. I am not sure of the exact time, but we have been instructed to check in to UAMS around 7am.

As for what's on my mind at the moment, I am starting to dread the financial impact the next couple of weeks/months will have on us, leaving my home and my dog, recovering from surgery, and the sheer terror of having no idea what to expect in regards to how this is going to affect pretty much everything in our lives.

Although there are a lot of things that we are fearful about, we have been showered with relentless love and support from so many people. I wish I could name them all, but it is impossible! Each person has given in his/her own unique way and we are incredibly grateful for the outpouring of love. We have both been deeply touched by the graciousness and selflessness that has been shared.