4.30.2009

Getting Closer

We are now less than two weeks away from Avery's delivery and starting to get fairly anxious about what is coming. We have known since December that these moments were coming, but they are still incredibly challenging. For some reason, it seems the anticipation of her arrival is just sickening in a way. That sounds horrible to say, but the truth is, we are both so scared of what is to come. I have to be honest and say that I'm not sure the word "excitement" comes to mind when describing how both Shane and I are feeling right now. It makes me angry that I am not excited, because I should be. This should be one of the most exciting exhilarating times of our lives. I feel like the "excitment" of a new baby has been stolen from me...and I want it back...that's where the anger comes.

I imagine that the next 10 days are going to be really hard. We try to stay busy and stay positive, but it's a stretch. We both just want this all to be over with. Of course, that is about the farthest thing from reality right now.

As of today, I am 38 weeks and still feeling physically pretty good. Let's just say, I am loving Tylenol right now. OB appointment today was good. No major changes...fluid is good, Avery is growing, not dialated...blah blah blah. We will have one more visit here in Fayetteville on May 7th and then we will prepare to head down to Little Rock on May 10th. My parents arrive on May 9th and will be accompanying us to LR. Avery's delivery is still scheduled for May 12th. I am not sure of the exact time, but we have been instructed to check in to UAMS around 7am.

As for what's on my mind at the moment, I am starting to dread the financial impact the next couple of weeks/months will have on us, leaving my home and my dog, recovering from surgery, and the sheer terror of having no idea what to expect in regards to how this is going to affect pretty much everything in our lives.

Although there are a lot of things that we are fearful about, we have been showered with relentless love and support from so many people. I wish I could name them all, but it is impossible! Each person has given in his/her own unique way and we are incredibly grateful for the outpouring of love. We have both been deeply touched by the graciousness and selflessness that has been shared.

7 comments:

  1. Hi sweetie. I'm thinking of you and know the stress is overwhelming. I'm about 4 weeks behind you and my emotions are starting to outweigh the happiness I should be feeling. I get it! Please know I'm thinking of you. Can you email me your home address, so I can send you a little something? studdard2@gmail.com.

    Hope to hear from you soon.

    Stephanie,
    Brooke and Kamryn's Mommy

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  2. We will all be with you in thoughts and prayers even though we can't be there in person in the coming weeks. I know you will be in good hands and I pray God will protect Avery and wrap his arms around all of you! Miss you guys!

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  3. Oh Carissa honey, if only you could pick just one thing to worry about instead of so many things and of course you know that worrying isn't going to change anything anyway so....keep holding on to all the love, prayers and hopeful thoughts everyone is sending your way. I am thankful that your mom and dad will be there with you - they love you like no other. I wish with all my heart that I could be there to just hug you tight. Keep breathing, God is in control. We love you all and we're waiting with you.

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  4. Prayers for your family during this very difficult time in your lives. Completely understand how fearful and angry you feel. I wish I could take your pain away. Know that you are about to give birth to a very precious little girl...cherish every moment with her no matter the outcome. She knows her mom, dad and sister love her very much. Take lots of pictures. Praying for strength for Avery and strength for you and your family in the weeks to come.

    Thinking of you, Tracy - Ian's mom

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  5. Hello,

    We are due around the same time, but I will be induced on Thursday. I know how u feel, when people say, "how exciting Gabi is coming", I think this is the last word I would use to describe how I feel. I feel more terrified and anxious... We are in for a hard ride. I hope that u continue to find strength and faith!
    My prayers go out to you and your family!
    Joanna(CHERUBS member)

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  6. Dear Lord, I ask that you bath this family in your peace. Peace for the unknown. I ask that every moment with Avery is filled with joy. Please be with the doctors. Give them wisdom to know what is best for Avery and Carissa. Thank you God that You are right beside this family through all of this. Please hold them close. In Jesus' name...

    -Heidi & Family

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  7. Thinking of you A LOT. Praying A LOT.

    Love you, friend.

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