A Year Ago

I can't believe it has been a year since I posted anything! I've been thinking a lot lately about how to use my story. How do I pay it forward? I just keep thinking there is some purpose...just not sure if I've found it yet.

I've beeen going to a grief group on Thursday nights for a few weeks now. It's a 12 week group and it's pretty awesome. As we approach Avery's third birthday, I am continually reminded how amazing and complicated the grief process is. I was driving home the other night, and I drove by a local hospital and just burst into tears. It just instantly took me back to night after night of coming and going out of ACH and I had this moment of sadness thinking back to those days. You know, you think you've got it all under control and then, BOOM...back to the beginning stages.

Anyways, still dealing with the process. It's a beautiful, scary, exhausting, and complicated journey.



  1. I followed Avery's story 3 years ago. . . At the time, I had a 3 year old daughter and a new-born daughter. I prayed for you and my heart ached for you family. I have not checked your blog in some time because I lost my bookmarks. I just found my old bookmarks and read your post. Anyways, I lost a son last April (2011). Going through the pain was beyond words and losing a child is a 'sisterhood no one wants to join.' I just read your post and 'get it.' While I have moved beyond the raw pain, my grief still continues to be a process. The things that I believe will be 'hard' don't tend to be so bad. However, those unexpected moments when it slaps you in the face can be overwhelming. . A smell, a memory, a sight---all can set you right back to that pain. Going through grief therapy was a God-send for me. It has helped me, but it has also given me 'permission' to be sad, upset, and right in 'that moment' again. I've learned how to just not stay there. Therapy helped me realize that grief is like an ocean (it comes in, is intense, but then faded back out). Anyways, I just wanted you to let you know that my heart goes out to you. . . I understand.
    Megan Edwards-Gass (from Pittsburgh)

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