Anyone Still Out There?

It is really hard for me to believe that it has been three months since I last posted. The initial reason for this blog was to keep so many of our beautiful friends and family updated on the condition of Avery. As we move forward, I guess it does not occur to me to post on a regular basis. But, because so many beautiful relationships blossomed out of the blog, I feel some pull to continue to tell our story.

So, the story continues. We are growing, changing, rebuilding, and always learning. Avery's first birthday is on Wednesday and quite honestly, it is really hard to believe that we have reached this point. Of course, we think of her often, but our thoughts are more comforting and less painful. She made the most unbelievable impact on my life in her 62 short days. I can't help but believe that her purpose was to somehow open my eyes to a new way of looking at the world. As absolutely horrible as the experience was, I am forever grateful to this precious girl for her gifts.

All in all, things are good for us. We sold our house, I am working, Shane starts a new job on Monday, and Kaitlyn is a month away from Kindergarten graduation! I cannot be more honest when I tell you that we literally take each day as it comes. Day by day...my new mantra. So as we move day by day, we appreciate each moment. We breath...in and out...

November will be an exciting month for us as we are expecting another baby! So far so good, but probably the scariest time for our whole family. I have often prayed and begged for healing...to get to that place where I feel better and perhaps as I get closer to that place, I have become even more terrified of what that means about my connection to Avery. I must learn how to relate her name with fondness and peace rather than worry and sadness. I am getting there and it's just different. So compiled with all the fears about the health of this baby are the complicated emotions that surround the concept of another infant joining the infant that is not here.

So we all go forward. It's all we can do. We are thrilled to be sharing another pregnancy together as a family and look forward to being able to continue to share with you. I will probably eventually start a new blog but we'll see. Thanks as always for walking next to me in this journey. Each and every person who has been a part of our story has a special place in my heart. Love you all.

Carissa