Kinda Home

I am sitting in my living room...in Fayetteville...and it is very weird. It has been a month since I have been in this house. I figured that with Avery kinda just resting and gaining strength, it would be safe for me to make a quick trip to NWA. I needed to get some different clothes, check on the house and dog, pay bills etc. I will be honest with you, in some ways, it is very sad for me to not be walking through the door with my newborn, but in other ways, this house is exactly the way we left it...with no baby. It's almost like she doesn't exist. It's like I was pregnant for nine months, went to Little Rock, and came back to the way things were before I was ever pregnant. That sounds really bad but it is the truth for me.

Just called to check on our lovely Avery Mae and she is still doing fine. The surgeon was in to check on her belly and it is still healing well. The heart surgeon was in yesterday and he is hoping to close her chest early next week. He still wants some of the swelling in her chest and belly to go down before he attempts to close the sternum. Again, we do things on Avery's time. Meds are still being weened and she is still highly sedated.

Next week will be a big adjustment for me. I will be leaving Kaitlyn in Fayetteville with one of my best friends in the whole world, my mom is leaving on Tuesday, and Shane will be returning to work. We are desperately trying to figure out how we are all going to handle our family being split up and how we are going to remain close to ACH in the long run. It's messy.

It's nice to have some familiarity...if only for a moment...my bed, my couch, my dog, my yard...all the things that make us feel at home. The plan is to be back in LR tomorrow...pray Avery's swelling goes down so we can get her chest closed and hold our girl.



  1. Hugs to you during this very emotional and difficult time in your lifes. Praying for your sweet little girl. Hope the swelling goes down and doctors are able to close her chest soon. Praying you will be able to get to hold your baby girl soon. Avery's strength is amazing! Thinking of you.

    Much love, Tracy

  2. I am glad that she's doing so well that you can leave for a short time. A side note, you may want to remove your address from the blog. It may sound nuts, but there are sick people who cruise these things to figure out when the home will be vacant. I'm not trying to scare you~just be cautious of what info you put on your very public blog :)

    Good luck in handling being separated. You will do great! Just keep thinking of that wonderful moment when the whole family, including Sadie, will be in your home together at last.

  3. AnonymousJune 12, 2009


    My name is Patti and I was directed to your blog through a prayer list on another blog and when I found that you are here is LR at ACH I decided to reach out to you, I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable. I was actually at ACH on 5/20/09 with my 25 year old while he got his 4th pacemaker replacement, he's been a patient since 1984, he had is open heart surgery at age 2. If there is anything I can do for you while you are here or if you just need to talk, feel free to contact me at my email address pabrader@yahoo.com.

  4. Praying for your sweet baby girl's swelling to go down very, very soon so that you can hold her.

    Hope you sleep well tonight in your own comfy bed.

  5. AnonymousJune 12, 2009

    Praying for you and your family continuously - especially Avery! I can't wait to read about when you get to hold your precious little girl... it has been a long time coming, and I bet you are very anxious to hold that sweet little girl!

  6. God bless you for your honesty. The emotional roller coaster that you are on leads you through many scary feelings and I pray that voicing some of these has help you and I know it is blessing others. We are praying that your separation will be very short and very soon you will able to be together in your home as a family.

  7. I am sorry you are going through some many emotions.. and it is very hard to be away from home and that comfort.. but stay strong! Avery is amazing and is working hard so u can hold her!
    Hang in there,
    Joanna(mom to Gabi LCD)

  8. AnonymousJune 13, 2009

    Get some rest my friends, I can't wait to hear about the day you take her from those Angel's Wings and hold her in your loving arms. I know she will feel just as safe and all your LOVE!For now, enjoy your home and all the wonderful surroundings of your beautiful family. Much love from CO. Miss Kim

  9. AnonymousJune 13, 2009

    We have been following your blog and all that's been going on for along time now. You are ALL in our prayers but even more importantly is the LORD's Word says you are the "apple of His eye" meaning you are in the center of His pupils...that's some pretty intense attention!!!! Rest as you can, you're gonna need the strrength when you all get to come home.

  10. AnonymousJune 13, 2009

    Carissa, I have spent many hours at hospitals with sick children, being away, and you can hold it all together! Somedays are a little shaky,but you can make it all work! Just take one day at a time, comunicate often, and pray alot! I used to pray for strength to get through one more day. I never had to worry if my child would live but weeks and weeks of hospitalizations are very stressful on everyone! You will have good and bad days, but find people that support you and give you strength! Eventually a new "normal" with Avery a part of it will develop! Baby steps for everyone! Let others help you--never was a strong attribute for me! Hugs and prayers! Kathy Rae

  11. I will keep all of you in my prayers and I hope you guys continue to keep the faith, you will. Sending all my love and support. Lacey Mann